Instead, I stay fixated on the sky, worrying that if I lose sight of the sun, I won’t find it again. I want to look around me and acknowledge grass on my feet, the wind on my skin, the cat pawing at me who wants an early dinner. I can see the light in the distance, but right now I’m in shade I’m in the unknown. The days drift by me, like unwelcome clouds in the sky concealing the sun. This is because my whole world, right now, is focused around my future. I am struggling to keep with my routines, with exercising regularly, with making time for my hobbies and for finding time to relax. In the next few weeks I’ll find out if I have to begin the job search hunt again.īeing in limbo is something I have never recognised as having a big impact on me, until now. In the next few weeks I will find out if I have gotten my dream job. I’m paralysed in the moment, unable to move forward or backwards as I no longer know what the route ahead of me is. Starting a new game or continuing with a newfound hobby all seem to tiresome to me, so I give in and watch TV mind numbing TV. I slipped into the all too familiar pattern of distractions. I’m in a state of limbo, where my future is uncertain. I’ve been in a trance all day focus is sporadic, joy non-existent. I search for the darkness to consume me and relieve me of my thoughts, but I get pulled back to the disappointment of the day that has gone. Sleep is a mercy, an escape but tonight I stay in a prison of my own creation. Sleep is a gift I have not been given this night. I lay there in bed regretting the day gone, dreading the day to come. Mind racing, head spinning, I can’t sleep. I’ve been going on walks recently to clear my mind and appreciate the now.
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